I've been crying a lot the past few days. People with lupus sometimes have problems with depression, but so does half the non-lupie world, so I hesitate to consider my feeling down to be lupus related.
Yesterday, I was at work struggling not to cry, and my husband calls to ask if I wanted to go to a birthday lunch for Veronica. (Veronica is a co-worker who is very interesting, smart and sweet.) My first thought was to say "no" because I thought I'd bring the lunch down, but I didn't want to offend Veronica, so I went. It was a nice time. We all had a good conversation. It helped to lift my spirits.
Then last night, when I got home from work, I asked my son to walk the dog, and he was filled with nothing but attitude about it. He walked the dog, but he wasn't happy about it. I love my son, but sometimes he really stretches a mother's love.
Today, I went to the doctor. I wanted to talk to him about this cough I've had since August. I've also had dizzy spells, and I was going to talk to him about the depression too. I think my doctor was having a bad day because he was very agitated with me. By the time I got to the depression aspect, I was in tears and have beeen holding back tears ever since.
It will all be okay. I feel as long as I can say that, I'm not in a true depression. When I'm in a true depression, I can't see a way out of the dark hole of the depression. Right now, I think I'm just sad about all that's going on. I'm really stressed about my husband's surgery. It will be a relief when it's over and he's okay.
I'm trying not to let things get to me and keep a good attitude, but it's really hard. I know I have to try because nothing is worse for a lupus flare than stress and mood. Tomorrow is our company Christmas party. This party will be the first in a long line of parties that go on every night until my husband's surgery. Hopefully, it will help keep both our moods up.
Have a lupie day.