Well while I was in the doctor, I got one of these painful spasms that I've been having for years. I know I've mentioned them to doctors before but no one pays much attention because of all the other things I have going on. After I had the spasm, the doctor says, "How long has that been going on?" I respond, "I don't know. Years." She asks, "What does it feel like?" I respond, "I don't know. Painful! Like someone's electrocuting me."
"Have you ever had an MRI of your brain?"
"What did they find?"
"I was told it I had plaque on my brain. Typical lupus brain."
"Hmmm. I don't think so because lupus brain goes along organ involvement you don't have. I'm going to run some tests and send you to a neurologist."
And here's where you find me, needing to go in for tests and being slow about accomplishing that today. Last night I read about MS and it's symptoms. I do have a lot of the symptoms (spasms, tremors, ocular abnormalities, tingling, loss for words, talking very slowly to prevent stuttering), but I have symptoms that match half the conditions in the world, it seems. However, most markedly, I remember a time a month ago when I got home from school at about 10 o'clock at night, and I stepped out of my car and couldn't walk. I had to get help to get to my apartment. The next morning, I was all better.
The frustrating part of the whole thing is that I'm moving to St. Louis at the end of the month, but the doctor is telling me she doesn't want me to leave town until she figures this out. I started off this blog thinking, "I'm okay. No big deal. If I have MS, it doesn't make me any worse off than yesterday." From what I read, it's not hopeless. People with MS go on to live long lives. While the intellectual part of me knows all the facts and statistics, the emotional part of me is very sad.
I'm just tired of it all being so complicated. Anyway, I better get my tail in the shower. Later lupies.