Tuesday, October 2, 2007

I Want to Stay in Bed Today

I'm very tired and achy today. I want to stay in bed. I think Geoff wants to stay in bed more since he's actually asleep, and I'm not! I'm in that "I'm tired, but it hurts too much to sleep" stage right now. I won't stay in bed because I need to go to work, so I'll drag my butt out of bed as soon as I'm done writing.

I'm getting great e-mail from readers. Some share great news. Some share their struggles. A lot feel isolated. I feel isolated sometimes too. That's why I go to work. One of the reasons I go. Even sometimes at work, I feel isolated. I've been there for over a year, and at this point, I have a nice set of people I can talk to. I think it pretty much took me a year to find people I feel comfortable with. It's very hard for me to reach out and make conversation.

There's this one guy at work that no matter what I say to him, I feel like I'm an idiot when I'm done. The odd thing about it is that he's the one who tries to make conversation with me. He'll say, "How's your day today?" and I'll reply with something completely idiotic and nonsensical like, "I think the sky is blue today." and he'll respond. "Yeah" and walk away. He'll come back again in a few days and say something else and give me another opportunity to look silly. When Geoff's with me, I tend not to talk like an idiot. When Geoff's around, I don't feel nervous, and it's easier for me to express myself. Without Geoff, talking to people is very challenging.

I keep trying though because it's easy for me to feel isolated if I don't. When I feel isolated, I get very depressed, and I want to give up. Sometimes to the verge of feeling suicidal.

My advice for the day. Don't let yourself feel isolated. Reach out and talk to someone. If you can't reach anyone by phone. Send an e-mail. If you're at a loss for who to e-mail, e-mail me. I always write back. Sometimes it may take me a while, but unless your e-mail accidentally went into the spam folder, you'll hear from me.

Take care and keep living lupie!



rbh68 said...

Katerina, I have that isolated feeling at times. I am home with my 20 month old grandson who lives with us and his working mom. I care for him. It does help but not having an income from a real job hurts. Although I am retired from my orginal job- I am too young for SS so I rely only on my husband. I trying to recover from my brother disserting his grown family and disabled wife- losing hishouse, and my dads third wife enable my dads death and was sure he signed everything over to her,. Leaving my brother and I without-- She not only got the money, the house and all my parents possessions. Now not trying to think about that is frustrating. I ask God to smack my brother in the head to get him back in gear, and ask God to ask my dad why? So far no good answers. But tomorrow is another day and Tyler smiles no matter what I feel and that is about the best I can have. I just have to remind myself once in awhile. rbh68

The Lupie Kat said...

A child's smile goes along with Reason No. 2 to get up in the morning. When all else looks bleak, grab on to the small things that don't.