Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Do I Really Have to Get out of Bed Today?

Every morning when I wake up, I stress about the first steps that I take when I get out of bed in the morning. Is it going to hurt, and if so how bad is it going to hurt?

This morning, it was really bad. I thought about just getting back into bed, but with lupus, no matter how you feel, it's better to get out of bed and get moving. I wish I could be one of those happy lupus people that I read about. The ones that no matter how bad they feel, they manage to smile and say, "I'm just happy to be alive and have people in my life who love me." I admire those people. I really do, but there are days I want to slap them. This is one of those days.

The people who love me get on my nerves when I feel like this too. When I take that first step out of bed in the morning to walk to the bathroom, my husband inevitably asks, "Are you okay?" My first thought is to scream, "Do I look okay?! No! No, I'm not okay! Get a clue!" But the reasonable part of me somewhere in my brain says, "No Katerina. You don't want to yell at him. It's just the pain, not him." So, I just nod my head and limp into the bathroom. I take my Nexium because if I don't, I could get very sick. Ulcers, yeast, no fun at all.

Then I run a warm shower. That's what makes me feel near human. The warm water soothes the pain in my joints, and I feel ready to function for the rest of my lupie day.

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