Saturday, June 30, 2007

We Need Friends

Last night, I had a gathering of sorts. I hesitate to call it a party because I feel that a party puts too much pressure on me and everyone involved. With a party, you have to make sure to invite certain people. People feel obligated to come, and a lot of the time, the atmosphere is stilted.

With a gathering, you can say, "Hey, I'll call Ellen, and we'll have a few people over to listen to her play guitar." Then you can invite people as you think about it, and if people like the concept of coming over, they do or don't as they choose. That's not exactly how my gathering came together last night.

I'm a poet,and what actually happened was that my friend's mother was in town, and she wanted her mother to see me perform. She had asked me to find a booking, and I pretty much dropped the ball, so I suggested that they come to my place, and I'd read poetry for them in my living room. Then I started feeling self important in doing that, so I invited a few friends to come over to read, as well. I invited Teka Lark, a great poet. She's known as my evil twin. Her boyfriend Randall Fleming. He's a publisher and poet, as well. I also asked Ellen Silverman. She's a great guitarist and songwriter. Lastly, I invited my favorite poet James Maverick. I also had my two favorite people Tracy Jensen and Dede Mertz and her mom. We also had assorted teenagers belonging to the respective parents wandering around. I called it "Bring a Talent Friday". Didi's talent is being a supportive friend, and Tracy said her talent was being hostess since I'm not very good at that stuff. She arranged the appetizers, drinks, etc. She answered the door. Me, I just pretty much tell people to come in and figure the rest out themselves.

Bring a talent Friday was pretty fun. We listened to great poems and music and talked about important and fun things. I struggle with depression quite a bit, and it's a challenge for me to be sociable with others. Especially when I spend a lot of time feeling tired and achy. I think that's another reason why I hate the idea of a "party". With a party, you need to be engaging. You need to be set to happy hostess. It's just so emotionally draining.

When you have lupus, it's important to have friends in your life. Sometimes, I don't feel up to it, but I notice that when I don't see my friends for a while, I feel worse, so I try to connect with people even when I don't feel like it. Usually I feel that once my friends are here, I'm happy they came.

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