Thursday, October 9, 2008

What it takes

As you can read from yesterday's blog, I was having dizzy spells. Whenever I have an unusual health problem, I do what any conscientious lupie should do. I make calls. I don't like to bug my doctor unless it's absolutely necessary, so I call the nurseline, which is a feature of my United Healthcare insurance. I can call the nurse line and ask them questions about pretty much anything health related.

So I call the nurseline, and we have a nice little chat about my symptoms. The nurse tells me I should page my doctor. I told her that I felt fine aside from the dizziness, and she said it was best just to page the doctor, so I did. My doctor tells me he wants to see me first thing in the morning to look me over. I tell my husband that I have to go to the doctor in the morning and I tell him the time.

The next day, my husband pretty much is a jerk about driving me. He doesn't want to drive me. He thinks I can drive myself. He says he has to get to work. We both work at the same company which is a very understanding company. If he says he's taking me to the doctor, absolutely no one would have a problem with that. I said that I didn't want to drive myself with dizzy spells. He said I shouldn't have a problem. I pretty much forced him to drive me.

Today, he tells me that he believes I over reacted about the dizziness. I don't see how I did considering I did exactly what I was supposed/told to do.

When he says things like that, I honestly believe that he doesn't understand what it takes for me just to get through a day. I know that in many ways I'm lucky. I'm not as bad off as other lupies such as my sister, but it still isn't easy. Every day, I'm in pain. I deal with rashes, asthma, anemia. Infusions two times a week for months at a time aren't easy. The myriad infections, endoscopies, colonoscopies.

Every single day is an effort. I force myself to be positive and have a bright outlook, and for my husband to think/treat me that way just hurts.

Well, as you can see, I just needed a good vent. Now I need to get back to work.

Have a lupie day!


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